What If Something Happens While I'm Gone?

After losing two children, my fear of what might happen while I’m away isn’t hard to explain. In this Wednesday Letter, I’m sharing how I’m preparing for a month away while trying to stay present for the journey.

The Empty Chair at Every Celebration

When much of our country spent the weekend celebrating America's 250th birthday with backyard barbecues, neighborhood parades, fireworks, and family gatherings, I found myself thinking about something different. I wondered how many people made it through the holiday carrying an invisible weight. The pictures on social media showed smiling families gathered around picnic tables, children waving flags, grandparents watching fireworks, and cousins laughing together. It looked joyful, and for many families it truly was. For some of us, holidays feel like a tap on the shoulder, reminding us that someone is missing.

Grieving the Future that Never Was

Birthdays can be some of the hardest days after a loss because they remind us not only of who someone was, but of everything that never got to be. My son would be forty-eight today. He died twenty-four years ago. Naturally, I find myself wondering what he would’ve looked like, what work he might’ve been doing, whether he would’ve been married, whether he'd have children running around calling me Grandma. The calendar keeps moving, but a mother's love doesn't measure time the same way. There are still days when I miss hearing Jason's voice. I miss his bear hugs. I miss buying birthday cards and wondering what gift would make him smile. The ache has changed over the years. It’s not nearly as overwhelming as it was during the first decade, but there are still moments when the tears come without warning.

Grieving a Good Thing

I knew the day would come. Every mother knows it will. We spend years teaching our sons to become responsible men, hoping they’ll someday find a woman who loves God, loves them well, and wants to build a life together. Then one day it happens. The wedding arrives. Everyone smiles for pictures.

When You’re Tired of Being Brave

I’ve been brave for so long that I don’t remember choosing it. Bravery became my default setting at a young age. I didn’t sign up for it or raise my hand and volunteer. It appeared in circumstances I didn’t choose. Loss, disappointment, unanswered prayers, and the accumulation of grief that hangs heavily on my shoulders.

Restoration May Tary But It's Never Late

Age twelve and the oldest of four, I gathered my siblings into a huddle to shield them. Our parents were pointing shotguns at each other in our living room. I thank God they didn’t pull the triggers Half a century later, both parents, long divorced, show end-of-life symptoms. Tears fall or laughter bursts without warning; the emotions are tumultuous.

Small Steps, Big Hope: The Power of Shrinking Your Goal

Some years, I’ve set goals so big they swallowed me whole. Eat healthier. Declutter every room. Write more. Rest more. Strengthen relationships. Fix everything by Valentine’s Day. By March, I felt overwhelmed and defeated. The goals weren’t unrealistic because they were unworthy—they were unrealistic because they were too big for a weary season.

The Call

On September 10, a mom from our church received a call from inside Evergreen High School where her two sons attend. Desperate, the freshman son called telling her there was someone shooting in the school. “Don’t hang up, no matter what,” she begged her son.

Something Worse Than Death

Both of my parents are facing imminent death due to age and disease. I’m surprised at the strong emotions I’m experiencing, especially since losing my 9-yr-old daughter and my 23-yr-old son. One brother has died and of course other family members. I have many loved ones with the Lord now. Life has not been easy. But God…